I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
