Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
