is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
