Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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