What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
