I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
