everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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