Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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