Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
