still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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