Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I deserve this hangover.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
