Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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