I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
