are you still at the devil's house?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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