Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have aggressive nipples.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
