I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
