my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i now understand why vodka
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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