Yo dont text me then not text me
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
whose ass print is on the piano?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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