Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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