His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize