we have officially lost it.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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