Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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