I'm gonna have a badass scar
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
