i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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