Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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