people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
