okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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