it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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