you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
