'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
