Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
