I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
PANTIES FOUND
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