I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
the raccoons are back...
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