Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the condom got lost in my hair
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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