i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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