Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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