I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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