Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
