shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
