first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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