Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
