I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
