i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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