By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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