I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
