puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His nipple licking is glorious
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