if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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