Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
