If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Randomize
