Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
