im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize