C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
