so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
