He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize