so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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