I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
its liver damage thursday
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
