That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
