Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
