Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize