fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Green mimosas i think yes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
