You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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