I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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