Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
