Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
