he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
