My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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