She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
