Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I could fuck to npr.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
