im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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