omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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