I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
