If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
