she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
