I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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