i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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